The Trip That Keeps Growing: Baden-Baden

Baden-Baden

After leaving Strasbourg, we headed to Baden-Baden. We would be sailing all morning, so the three trip leaders held a morning session to introduce us to Germany and the German language. Our trip leader, Britta, was dressed up in a typical German outfit called a dindl. It consisted of a short lacy blouse, a jumper-style dress, and an apron. She explained that the way the apron was tied showed her status: if it was tied on the left, she was available; if it was tied on the right, she was taken; and if it was tied in the middle, she was undecided and willing to give it a try. She then explained that most women in Germany are rather “well-endowed” and completely fill out their dindl. As she called it “the firewood in front of the cabin.” She said that she was a little insecure about wearing a dindl as she was not that well-endowed. Then she said she found the “dindl bra” – very similar to our “wonder bra.” And with that she proceeded to remove three pairs of socks from the side of her blouse. Her male trip director counterpart, Sjaak, was wearing the typical leather lederhosen that men wear in Germany. He said it came in two styles, long pants that men would wear for formal wear and shorts that were worn most of the other times. He said that they were very comfortable and very useful, especially if you were out drinking in a beer garden. They come with a flap in the front, and as he was trying to unbutton them, the other two trip leaders were yelling “No! No!” He did not stop but all it showed was another piece of leather underneath the flap. That set the mood for the rest of the morning. The third trip leader Bjorn then gave us a short lesson in German with useful words and phrases that might be helpful in our port calls. He went on to explain how, like in French, nouns are feminine, masculine, or neuter. He then told us the following joke (apologies to those who may have already heard it):

Is a computer male or female?

A language instructor was explaining to her class that in French, nouns, unlike their English counterparts, are grammatically designated as masculine (“le”) or feminine (“la”).

One puzzled student asked, “What gender is “computer?”

The teacher did not know, and the word wasn’t in her French dictionary. So for fun she split the class into two groups, appropriately enough by gender, and asked them to decide whether “computer” should be a masculine or feminine noun.

Both groups were required to give four reasons for their recommendation.

The men’s group decided that computers should definitely be of the feminine gender (la computer) because:

1 No one but their creator understands their internal logic;

2 The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;

3 Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for possible later retrieval; and

4 As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

The women’s group, however, concluded that computers should be masculine (le computer), because:

1 In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on;

2 They have a lot of data but they are still clueless;

3 They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and

4 As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you’d waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

After this they had us up singing (in our broken German) and dancing to a few German beer songs. We then had a cooking demonstration for making Tarate Tatin (French apple tart). I was one of three ladies that volunteered to make a tart after the demonstration. We had to use a really nifty apple peeler that not only peeled the apple but cut it nice round slices. I think I really need to get one now that I know how to use it. My first apple was not a success as I and the pastry chef who was helping me did not get the apple squarely on the device. But my second apple was spot on! We will be having this for our desert tonight. By now it was time for lunch and then a walking tour in Baden-Baden. Just before lunch, I had a chance to go out and walk along the waterfront by the ship. There were several swans swimming around and three nutrias (2 adults and 1 baby). Nutrias are very similar to our muskrats, only a little bigger.

Baden-Baden is a small town in the Black Forest that has been known for its thermal baths since Roman times and today is a popular resort for the Russians. For over 2,000 years rulers and elites have been coming to Baden-Baden for the therapeutic qualities of the spa – Roman emperor Caracalla, Queen Victoria, Wilhelm I, Napoleon, Brahms, and Dostoevsky. In addition to the spa, the town also has a casino – not as grand as the Monaco Casino, but after 6 PM you must be dressed up to enter the place. Bill went to the thermal spa, while I walked around the small town (not much to see) and ended up in a cute little beer garden with a couple of people in our group. And yes, I did drink a large glass of beer – a very good light wheat beer. Then it was time to board our buses and find out ship. I did not think that Baden-Baden had the quaintness and beauty that some of the other towns we have stopped in. It was okay, but we have no desire to return to this particular town.

While we were in Baden-Baden, the ship sailed to a location about 30 minutes from Baden-Baden where it was awaiting our arrival before sailing on to Speyer. Along the way we passed a racetrack and Britta related the following story to us (again, apologies to those who have heard it before):

Preacher's Horse Racing

A preacher wanted to raise money for his church and on being told that there was a fortune in horse racing, decided to purchase one and enter it in the races.

However at the local auction, the going price for horses was so high that he ended up buying a donkey instead. He figured that since he had it, he might as well go ahead and enter it in the races. To his surprise, the donkey came in third! The next day the local paper carried this headline: PREACHER'S ASS SHOWS.

The preacher was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and this time it won. The paper read: PREACHER'S ASS OUT IN FRONT.

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the preacher not to enter the donkey in another race. The paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PREACHER'S ASS.

This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the preacher to get rid of the donkey. The preacher decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent. The paper headline the next day read: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.

The Bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.00. Next day the headline read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.00.

Again, this was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey, lead it to the plains where it could run wild and free. Next day, the headline in the paper read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.

The Bishop was buried the next day.

With that story, we were back at the ship with just enough time to get cleaned up and go to dinner. One thing about this cruise is that you do not get hungry. Dinner is usually 4 courses, lunch has a pasta station, a salad bar, or you can order a hot entrée off the menu, and breakfast is a buffet with all the typical breakfast items. And beer and wine is complimentary at lunch and dinner.